“Train yourself to let go of what you fear to lose” – Yoda, Star Wars III
What is Civil Discourse?
Photo by brizzle born and bred 
Kenneth J. Gergen describes civil discourse as “the language of dispassionate objectivity”, and suggests that it requires respect for the other participants. It neither diminishes the other’s moral worth, nor questions their good judgment; it avoids hostility, direct antagonism, or excessive persuasion; it requires modesty and an appreciation for the other participant’s experiences.[ Kenneth J. Gergen (2001). Social construction in context. pp. 71–5. ISBN 0-7619-6545-9.]
According to the The Institute for Civil Dialogue, civil dialogue is a structured format for public dialogue that provides a tool to build bridges across the chasm of public viewpoints. Civil Dialogue can be used in multiple contexts to help people communicate in civil and productive ways, especially when they face “hot topics” and need to employ “cool heads.
Civil Discourse is More Important Now Than Ever.
In Murali Balaji article, “What’s Driving Polarization?”, he states that “Whether it’s polarization or (re)tribalization, the right among groups in the United States to disagree on some issues and agree on others is slowly being replaced by an all-or-nothing dogmatic approach.”
“Exhibiting genuine compassion for others can be transforming for us, as well as for those around us. We do not always have to agree. But if we can convey a respect for a differing view, then we can begin to turn down the heat and build relationships, not destroy them.” – Honorable Richard W Story, National Institute for Civil Discourse, University of Arizona
Compassionate Detachment in Civil Discourse
Oftentimes we get caught up in an aspect of an idea or belief that we have a strong emotional attachment to. This attachment will blind us from seeing other perspectives clearly and is the enemy of civil discourse. When we get emotionally invested in an idea or belief, compassionate detachment allows us to explore ideas with an open mind and the see things more objectively.
Compassion, in this context, is having empathy for others with a focus on treating others with respect regardless if their ideology differs from yours. It is based on the simple recognition that others, just like myself, naturally aspire to be happy and live productive lives and that others, just like myself, have the natural right to fulfill that basic aspiration.
It is consciously setting aside your prejudice and discrimination. This involves cultivating an even-mindedness, or equanimity, towards others – detachment from your emotions and biases. Do you control your emotion or do your emotion control you? Are you aware of your biases and how they are stopping you from seeing other perspectives?
This is not disengagement or indifference. Cultivating detachment “takes the sting” out of discriminatory emotions toward others. By deliberately cultivating the thought of regarding others with respect, you provide yourself with a restraining factor. Then, when emotions arise, they will not be so powerful as to cause you to disregard the impact of your actions upon others.
The next time to you are sharing ideas with others, be cognizant of your emotions and bias and try to be compassionate and detached.
